I got hired as a Volt temp to work at my favorite company on the planet APPLE INC.

My hubbie got hired part time but on call also for HOSTESS INC.

So life is pretty OK or will be.. time together will be limited but if he doesn’t want to stay at hostess that’s fine ( being its part time and on call sucks balls but we need the money)

But the fact that he now has an American company on his resume will make looking for a different job after some time put in a lot easier in my opinion. Me , I am were i want to be , i just have to get hired on as an Apple employee. So its all about proving how good an employee I can be to them so I will be hired on.

So … getting laid off was a good thing I believe. I just know my hunnie will not be happy working at hostess its not a simple job like he wanted…. but its something and he can get something else once this economy swings up or maybe we can invest in a car and then he can do his own thing. I wish we could just make furniture i design he builds.. that’s the plan I think would work for us.

But for now everyone will be working and it feels sorta good.

my dream job might be right under my nose .. i can smell it and taste it , so why am i so nervous besides obvious reasons.. never have i felt like this .. like i can actually taste it….

when i get a job there are a few things i want to do…

1. go to Reno or someplace with hubbie( us alone)

2. start saving money up for a real honeymoon/party/renewal or something  on say 5th anniversary

3. pay down all my credit cards

4.get my wedding ring re-sized

5. if i have medical etc get my teeth fixed finally

that’s not it but that’s the top 5.. see i have simple needs…..

my eyes are heavy…. ni ni

Well i got canned, laid off what ever it doesn’t matter if its the polite way or the fuck you you suck way the result is the same …. terminology matters when it comes to looking for work but to me they all feel the same. Now somehow I have to feed me and my hunnie and pay bills etc on less what one of my checks would be if i was working…

So my worst fears came true, were both unemployed and were gonna just be scraping by.

I keep thinking hateful thoughts of my old boss.. wishing his company folds soon .. I am not a hateful person but since he handled everything so poorly i wish him the worst of luck .

I have not given up on my husband finding a job ..not really… I honestly feel it will always be like this and i feel like I’m in this alone sometimes like there is no team here.

I know he has been looking but I think hes to honest for his own good. That’s to hard to explain but in a nutshell we don’t have a car just say your wife drives etc who cares as long as u get there on time.

He keeps asking we can get help from someone right .. i keep trying to explain were on our own here. Unemployment is all were gonna get and the fact that the money i put in and i’m getting it out and still need to be taxed on it is the most unfair crap this government can do in this situation. So, when I normally do not owe taxes , I prob will owe close to a 1,000 next year. If not more depending on how long it takes to find work.

I am scared out of my mind right now.

Starting a degree in psychology. not sure how i want this career path to go so far but it is defiantly a major that is versatile. but it feels good to be doing something like this…

I am not sure how I want to use it yet .. i think that will come to me when its the right time.

I feel so misunderstood sometimes in my marriage. I try to be clear and it seams i never am. maybe i don’t use the right words sometimes….

I want so much to make my life comfortable, decadent, pleasing to the eye .. however its like I do not want to settle in here.. once me and my hubbie have our own spot ill settle in get nice stuff even if I have to do it slow etc. I really think I want to move back to the bay area but with the money I make  rent would be impossible…. i love my apartment but i don’t feel home. I really haven’t felt like anyplace has been home since I left the bay and ever since my mom died I have felt like a nomad so to speak.I feel like we would be better off in the bay area… I really do.But getting back there isn’t as easy as it was to get here.

My birthday is around the corner and I can say life is pretty good. I love my husband, he loves me we don’t have much but  that’s o.k I am happy with what I do have but I wish I could stop feeling as if I’m in survival mode with everything else. i don’t * need for anything * but my wants are simple its sad to feel like I cant just get them….and living paycheck to paycheck is not what i want.. not at this age….

I thought i would be at a different spot in my life right now. There are things in life I’m not prepared for and that scares me.. more now then when I was single. But hopefully life wont chew me up and spit me out …. I just wish that……. that i cant say i will save that for my candles =)

Why do i feel like i cant be myself here… i pray for my hunnie to get a job SOOOOOOON.

That’s my new years wish! i want to be able to afford a place just the 2 of us. I love this apartment but I cant do it alone.. which is why we have a roommate.. but sometimes ….. not sure how to help him get a job any more than hes already tried.

i’m not sure what we can do ….

i want to not have a roommate.. i just want it to be me and my husband sooooo bad but who can afford it.. the things i want are so simple yet so unattainable..

I let things slide at work sometimes. Sometimes i just cant.My pet peeves show there ugly head.I also do not like doing the same thing over and over .. when I know I have already done it. These are times i want to quit and just work for myself. Sadly right now i cant or i would. I also know I need a vacation , but sadly i cant .. no paid time off but i work form home and I can take time off no problem its just hard bec its a financial set back if i do. Hubie still hasn’t found a job which sucks and its scary because ever once in a while i get nervous about money and cry.