I want so much to make my life comfortable, decadent, pleasing to the eye .. however its like I do not want to settle in here.. once me and my hubbie have our own spot ill settle in get nice stuff even if I have to do it slow etc. I really think I want to move back to the bay area but with the money I make  rent would be impossible…. i love my apartment but i don’t feel home. I really haven’t felt like anyplace has been home since I left the bay and ever since my mom died I have felt like a nomad so to speak.I feel like we would be better off in the bay area… I really do.But getting back there isn’t as easy as it was to get here.

My birthday is around the corner and I can say life is pretty good. I love my husband, he loves me we don’t have much but  that’s o.k I am happy with what I do have but I wish I could stop feeling as if I’m in survival mode with everything else. i don’t * need for anything * but my wants are simple its sad to feel like I cant just get them….and living paycheck to paycheck is not what i want.. not at this age….

I thought i would be at a different spot in my life right now. There are things in life I’m not prepared for and that scares me.. more now then when I was single. But hopefully life wont chew me up and spit me out …. I just wish that……. that i cant say i will save that for my candles =)